Friday, November 29, 2013

Sweet Dream - Fat Burned :p

You guys, I just had the best dream ever. I had a dream that when I put on an outfit to go out somewhere and I looked in the mirror and noticed my stomach was totally flat. Not only flat, it was toned and nicer than ever! It felt so real, I was grinning from ear to ear in my dream(I'm pretty sure I was grinning in real life too), and was jumping up and down with joy. I wanted to run outside while screaming with pride and joy, "Look everyone! Look how flat my belly is!!! 

But then I woke up and realized it was only a dream. Darn it! I'm pretty sure I had that dream because I've talked to several women who told me they didn't have a problem losing weight and getting back in shape after their first two children, but with their third, it's been much, much harder and taking a lot longer. And even after you do lose the weight, your stomach is more soft and pudgy than with the first two, or bigger stretch marks, and so forth. So I've been worrying a little bit the past couple of years about whether I'll ever have my previous body back and if not, what the changes will be.  Yes, I'm shallow and vain I guess. I never worried about it before, even with my first two children, and not with the first 5 months of my 3rd pregnancy, but it's been sneaking up on me every once in awhile, especially when I'm looking at swimsuit websites and see amazing, flat, toned stomachs of the models.

 Did your body change after having a baby? Mine sure did, some are good, some are not good, but it definitely changed. Some not so good changes have been what's very common such as hair loss & loss of shine and luster of hair, smaller, not as firm and perky chest, wider rib cage, lack of sleep therefore aging and looking worn out, but some good changes have been a wider hips so my waist to hips ratio is more prominent, giving me more curves, and.... well, that's about it hahaha... 

Everything else has been a negative change(like even though I went back to my normal size with both of my first two pregnancies, all the pants never fit me the same so I had to get all new pants after my first pregnancy. The butt, the hips, the thighs, it all changed somehow so while the waist of the pants size still fit me, it didn't fit the same or flatter my body anymore. Weird, right?) 

But in the end, even if my stomach is going to be pudgier and softer, I might age more, my pants won't fit me the same, those worries are not what I'll be thinking about on my deathbed but instead I will be thinking about how glad I was that I had all my children and how it was worth it all. All of it.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Graduation photos 2

More graduation photos. Thank you to Dewi Nur Dina, Principal of Q-dees Tawau.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Graduation photos

More graduation photos. Qdess Annual Concert 2013. Pictures are from Rayhan's teachers, Siti and Alicia. 

Tuesday, October 29, 2013


My children graduated! Oh, how I love these little caliphs. They never cease to fill me with so much happiness and overwhelming gratitude. Mommy is so proud of you, Rayhan and Iman! 

More graduation pictures soon... I have to gather pictures from other parents or from the pre school as hubby forgot to insert battery pack into the camera! Grrrrrr....!!!!!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Letting go.....


I admittedly have a difficult time letting go….of everything.

I am a pack-rat to my core, I keep everything, I am not just a keeper of things but also emotions. I tend to hold on to things, to turn them over in my head examine them, store them away, take them out again reevaluate them, critique how I dealt with them, then put them into long-term storage to dig back out later. This also applies to people, I have a very hard time letting go of people even when it is for the best for me to let them go. I have always been a firm believer that people can in fact change if they want to, the problem being most people don’t want to change or don’t know how. Once I care for someone it is near to impossible for me to let them go.

All these things are serious problems which I need to deal with. I think that the physical accumulation of stuff is the smallest problem. I do not mean smallest in size, because the amount of stuff I have is in no way small, but the least detrimental to me as a person. The emotional baggage, and the inability to let go of people are however emotionally, and mentally draining. This is why I need to learn to let go, I need to tell myself that sometimes giving up is what is best for me. Holding on to negative emotions is in no way good for me, it gives me ammunition for depression, anger, resentment, and guilt which are all things that do not need to be any stronger. I am going to try to start meditating again as I think this helps me clear my head, I have also been debating doing a detox diet which I hear can help not only physically clean your body but  clear out your mind, but I’m not sure I am ready for that yet.

Letting go of people is for me the hardest thing to do. There are people in your life that you never want to  let go of, people who have shaped who you are, but sometimes people have their time in your life and when that time ends….it ends. I do not mean that by letting go of them you love them less or value the time your spent with them less, but perhaps that you realize that everything, even people, have their seasons, and all seasons change and end. Perhaps it is the eternal optimist in me that holds onto people, hoping that tomorrow they will change, that tomorrow they will care equally for me as I do for them. In this way I hold on and hope for them, which it seems usually ends in my disappointment. I suppose the main problem with this is that I do not want to give up on people, especially people who I love and care about, but there must come a time when I cannot give anymore of myself to someone who is not giving anything to me.

So long story short I will be trying to make an effort to evaluate the things, emotions and people in my life and determine what needs to be held onto and what needs to be released. With any luck this will lighten my emotional load which could use a bit of lightning every now and again.

Friday, October 11, 2013


I think that there is nothing more beautiful than a smile. It's contagious, it's infectious and it fills you up with a strange fuzzy feeling right where your heart is.

So why don't you try this...try smiling at yourself in the mirror while your brushing your teeth. Do you like what you see? Once the action of smiling becomes natural to you try using that smile whenever you meet someone. Perhaps you will inspire the person you meet to smile and hopefully that smile is passed on to someone else.

With so much sadness going on in the world right now, maybe we can take on the responsibility to make things better by injecting a little smile in our lives.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Happy Birthday Mama...

Today is my mom's birthday! Growing up, I always wished I had more money around Mama's (my mom) birthday so I could buy my mom fancy gifts and things she really loved instead of my lame homemade card or a small, simple gift. I felt a little foolish for only being able to give something so little to my mother who's done everything for me and thought, "Oh how she would love to receive a fancy new dress instead of this card I got for her! Or an expensive handbag! One day when I get older and have more money, I will be sure to spoil her with all those things and give her what she would really want for her birthday..." 

Now that I have my own children and I'm older, I realize how wrong I was! The perfect birthday gift is a homemade card or a small, simple gift. That is all I ever want for any occasion of mine whether it's a birthday, Valentine's day, Mother's Day, or an anniversary. Spending money is easy and doesn't require much time, but a thoughtful birthday card or a small thoughtful present (homemade is the best) telling me how much they love and appreciate me? No money could ever buy the happiness, satisfaction, and pride I feel from receiving those gifts. 

 I remember, both Rayhan & Iman made me something in preschool for Mother's Day and while their teachers told them it was to be a surprise, they couldn't contain their excitement so they already let me get a sneak peek and I am so excited to receive it on Mother's Day!  It's the perfect gift and I can't think anything else I'd rather have.

Mama said, all I want is my daughters to be happy, that is the greatest gift.... Awwwww.... Happy Birthday Mama.... Thank you ror always nurturing, teaching, and helping me. May you have a beautiful birthday... I love you...