Lesson from life.... 2

I will never stop loving him but I can place that love in a stored away place in my heart, where I don't allow it to control myself anymore. May Allah grant me strength to do that.

Hormonal Shifts of a Pregnant Woman

For a person who does not have first-hand experience with the hormonal shifts of a pregnant woman, it can be hard to believe that it will happen. Some pregnant women are irritable, some yell at their partners, while other expectant mothers are just surly. Some may not have any visible hormonal outbursts at all. My husband has been lucky personally in that I have not had too extreme of an emotional roller coaster while pregnant. I swore at the refrigerator and had a few small hormonal episodes, but nothing too major. Sure, he has gone to bed a few nights and wondered if he would see the light of day, but overall nothing too bad. That said, I would like to share some admissions about my hormones during pregnancy and things I've said or done to my partner during a hormonally charged state. * I yell at him a lot and question everything he does. *I cry every time we argue. And sometimes I get mad at him and start an argument when its not necessary. Then I tell him he needs to not argue back so it doesn't upset me and that makes me cry more. Poor guy! he's so confused...but he understands its my hormones. and when I've calmed down, i explain why. * I cant stand the smell of my husband! Every time he is near me I feel sick (he is very clean so it's not a hygiene thing) but he gets pis*ed of because I do everything to stay away from him when he gets home and I don't know how to tell him. * Even though he did tons of things for me, I STILL yelled at him, and I feel really horrible about it now! I found that if I had problems with other people or just a bad day in general, I took it out on him even though he didn't deserve it. * I LOVE to cry! He wisely said nothing, let me cry it out. I then cried even harder while I apologized for being such a silly, selfish, unreasonable beast. Everyone's experience is different, but expectant fathers should be fully aware that hormones may rear their ugly head at any time during pregnancy. Do keep in mind that pregnancy is a wonderful time and pregnant women are beautiful, so tell her.

How shall we tell our children about Allah? | Questions on Islam

How shall we tell our children about Allah? | Questions on Islam

My child did what?

Everyone does it. Everyone talks about other people’s kids. Mostly, it’s good-natured jokes about bad hair cuts and pot bellies and crooked teeth. But, all of us have to admit, sometimes it’s more. “She’s a tough one” or “He’s a wildcard” or “We steer clear of so-and-so.” Some kids trigger our protective instincts and in the company of a like-minded mother, a small objection to a specific behavior can become a broader critique of character. This will never stop, even between friends. The most honest feedback you can hope for is a factual account of an eye-witnessed event, for instance, “Today after school, I saw your kid smack my kid.” And I know plenty of cases when even this seemingly essential information is withheld. It’s understandable. Nobody wants to tell a parent that their child has been mean, or rude, or bossy since today’s victim is tomorrow’s bully just as today’s mortal enemy is tomorrow’s best buddy. Anyway, who wants to sound like an uptight tattletale? It’s not just kids who want to seem cool and laid back. And most of the time, it’s hearsay. Are you really going to risk seeming holier-than-thou based on the half-baked report of a six year-old? The thing is, if you choose to bite your tongue and give an incomplete report of the playdate—“It was great!” when the truth was “Your kid whacked my kid on the head with a Barbie doll”—then you can’t turn around and tell someone else. If you choose to stay silent, you have to actually stay silent. If you find you just can’t keep it in, the only person you should really talk to is Barbie Swinger’s mom. Even if you’re afraid of how she’ll react. Even if you’re afraid that she’ll, oh I dunno, write a column about it. Giving a parent negative feedback about their child is a small act of courage. Just ask my son's kindie teacher Mrs. Pang who shared some things about my son's behavior that turned me inside-out for 48 hours (during which she was witness to several of my own “areas needing improvement”). Why is it so painful to come face to face with our children’s flaws? In my case, the pain came from two different places. One, it’s unsettling to think that other people can see something that you can’t. Our effectiveness hinges on our ability to see our kids’ clearly. I tried to dismiss Mrs. Pang's reports, believe me, but they were quickly corroborated by two other parents, convincing me that I have been asleep at the wheel, a wheel I thought I had been white-knuckling. After all, just like everyone reading this right now, my children are my top priority. The second cause of my pain? My big fat ego. While my children happily work their way through developmental stages of autonomy, identity and separation, I cling. I realized this last year when my wise friend Susan said, “We are not our children.” Was there ever such a simple and obvious statement with such sweeping implications? Susan went on to say, as I was sharing my theory that my son is hot tempered because my dad is hot tempered too. "Anne, we influence them, we do not make them.” If everything that is said about your child is essentially something said about you--your parenting, your nature--you and your child will be operating at a considerable disadvantage. Attaching your ego to your child--their reputation, their behavior, their happiness--is the exact opposite of lifting them up. It’s putting rocks in their backpack, making everything they do weightier than it needs to be. Beyond that, it’s impossible to see them clearly if they are obscured by a giant mirror showing your reflection. In my life as a mother, this was a growth spurt. This was when I let some blood back into my knuckles. This was the time I decided to stop talking about other people’s kids with anyone but their parents. And this is the time I learned to hear feedback and push past all the rotten self-doubt and defensiveness and just see it for what it is: a little gift.

A reluctant SAHM

Today is Izyan Amani 1st birthday, oh she is our 3rd. I guess some of u didnt know about her arrival because it has been 2 years I didn't update my blog. We were so glad she was here. We agreed she "rounded us out". Three was a nice number - or so I thought. Wan seems to think we have one more child in our future. I just looked at him. Then I said, "Hey, if you can find a way to carry the baby and be primary caregiver for a while - I'm on board". And I meant it. You know, I can't help but be a bit resentful sometimes. Not at him, but in general; how this society is set up for women - especially mothers. As soon as he went back to work, all was well and life was pretty much back to normal for him. How much has his life changed since we had kids? I actually asked him this one time, and he couldn't give me an answer. Other than having 3 young children added to our family - not much. His career is going pretty fucking well. He has a highly coveted and marketable skillset. He still has a social life completely outside of children. He never had a years long pause in his career - never had to put it on hold for anybody. And what about me? I have no career. I've been out of the workforce for 7 years now. Seven. I am thinking of starting school again, or working again, and even with that the kids dictate how fast I can bust through it because I am primary caregiver. Meanwhile he can go hobnob with the bosses, office mates after work because of course I am home. I am always home. He can take as long at work and work as hard as he needs to without worry because again - Wifey is home! Yes, he is bettering our family by bettering his career - but that's what I am trying to do with school or work. And I cannot work on it head-on like I want to. I have no one home for me to pick up the slack; I have no housewife. I have no social life at all outside of kids. No one wants or needs my expertise.  I am with the kids all day every day and I am at my wits end. I am done. Spent. Over it. I'm done putting my life on hold. Dammit, I want something for me and being a stay-at-home-mom and housewife is not it. And the kicker? I "don't have a job" so I am not even contributing to my social security. No 40K. I can only get medical and travel benefits through my employed husband. Now I know what "The invisible work of women" means. So, yeah. Just felt like venting last week. It was just a terrible week. I am feeling like I'm coming down with something,Izyan started the day off with whining and crying like always, demands, demands, demands right from the start, teething toddler who literally cries while following me around the house. Constant fights. More whining. Screaming, crying, wiping snot and ass, cleaning, serving.  And then I picture what Wan is doing at that moment; he sitting with grown-ups who can handle themselves, enjoying a hot cup of coffee (one that doesn't end up being ice cold by the time he gets to finish it) while working. In peace. Hell - he can even sleep if he wants to. If he is busy, he Still doing what he loves to do without feeling guilty. It's just one of those days I guess. Do I have regrets? Sure as hell do. I will give this advice to anyone that asks or even hints at it (especially my own daughter): Unless you know for sure that you want to be a SAHM until death, DO NOT - and I repeat - DO NOT have kids before you have a career, or at least your degree. As a woman you will get stuck staying home with the kids if you are not the breadwinner already. And even if you are the breadwinner or close to it - odds are if you and the father both want someone to stay home, IT WILL BE YOU, woman, because you are just that - a woman. You are the mother and you will have this maternal guilt tugging at your heartstrings. You will have society telling you that's what you should do, and if things are going perfectly at home (father has great paying job and you are financially set) - then dammit that's what you must do.  Do not leave yourself without options. I just hope my children will look back on this time and are thankful I stayed at home with them. Just some advice from someone who has been there, done that, doing it.

Ya Rabbi... Sakitnya!!!!

Surprisingly, only a few dozen people have written to chastise me about the state of my masthead, most of them quick to say hey you, blogger who blogs on her Internet blog, don't you know what month it is? Let's just for a moment consider that I haven't once had more than two consecutive hours of sleep in the last three weeks. Dude, I have no idea what year it is. I'm lucky to remember my name most days. Again, I'm sorry for not updating my blog...


Things got even more complicated around here at about 4AM Saturday morning when I woke up to breastfeed Iman Khadeeja (my newborn) and my left breast felt like someone had sliced it open and shoved in a handful of broken glass. I thought I'd try to ignore it, and oh, moan in silence? Bite my lip until I was drowning in a puddle of blood? What was I thinking, YOU CANNOT IGNORE THAT KIND OF PAIN. I think I'm dying." hahaha drama queen habis,over plak...


Milk ducts,blocked n painfull as hell! and only Iman can unplug the blocked ducts. Dulu masa breastfeed Rayhan pun sakit mcm ni... haih... Luckily,i dont have mastitis. If you want to know more about this condition,it's basically inflammation and infection of the breast tissue that can be caused by a clogged milk duct or bacteria that has somehow made its way in through the nipple. Sounds fun ha? walaupun i didn't suffer mastitis, this common milk ducts,it's been nothing but giggles, balloons, and pony rides over here.

Before & After a Child...

As I'm in my bed, trying to sleep, my mind began to wonder. I started to think about my life before I had a kid. That life wasn't that long ago but it seems like a different lifetime ago. I was someone who loved to sleep. I could sleep the whole day and still sleep at night. If I didn't get my 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I was a grouch. I'm still a grouch when I'm sleepy but I can now survive on less sleep. I don't remember what it's like to sleep the whole night through anymore. I do find myself waking up to see if Rayhan is sleeping soundly. Until recently, Rayhan still woke up at night to nurse.

Before a child... I used to be able to wear anything I wanted without having to think if what I was wearing was suitable for nursing on demand. I could wear frilly underwear and not horrible nursing bras.

After a child... Speaking of nursing bras, someone please explain to me... A woman who had recently given birth to a baby and is still carrying some weight gained during pregnancy. Her body used to be made up of perky breasts, firm tummy and a tight butt. After childbirth, she resembles Jello more than J Lo. With a newborn baby, there is very little time to take a shower, let alone pick out something nice to wear (pre-pregnancy clothes don't fit anyway) and put on some make-up. Her hormones are still out of whack and her self-esteem isn't at the optimum level. She is sleep depraved from taking care of a newborn and probably grumpy. Why are nursing bras so ugly then? Why aren't nursing bras made to look attractive so that there is some semblance of normalcy with postpartum women? This is the time when the bust are up two cup sizes. Vava voom! But I digress...

(the non-attractive nursing bra)

(i wish nursing bras are attractive & sexy like these lingerie)

Before a child... Was also the time when I needed to think only of packing for myself and Wan. Go for short holiday at a moment notice. One bag for the both of us. Pack books or trashy gossip magazines to read while on holiday. Laze by the Sipadan Island beach and read or just take a nap whilst listening to the lapping waves. No chance of that now.



After a child... We had to calculate how many diapers to bring, how many sets of clothes in case our baby dirtied himself, if we need to pack baby food, remember to pack baby shampoo, baby bath, sunblock, nappy rash cream, children paracetamol (just in case), baby toys (to keep him occupied in the car or airplane), baby stroller, etc, etc, etc... Fortunately, I breastfeed him so no need to deal with hot water bottle, formula, baby bottles, sterilizing container and tablet, washing up liquid and bottle brush. Have to try to relax while keeping an eye on the children, to make sure they're safe.



Before a child... we started on our journey whenever we felt was right. Absolutely no hurry. We can choose to drive/fly straight to our destination or make stops whenever we wanted to.



After a child... When travelling with a child, we need to plan the timing for the journey. Start too early & he haven't had enough sleep so higher chances of him being cranky. Start journey too close to his lunch time, then we'll have think about stopping for lunch. How far is our destination? How many hours will it take to get there? Will I need to pack some snacks and water in case he got hungry or thirsty? Do we need to make toilet stops? What time is our plane leaving? If we're arriving after his dinner time, need to think about packing his dinner.



Before a child... We had a whole library of videos. We watched movies after movies in our TV room. We still have a video library.

After a child... Only now, the library is made up of Barney&Friends videos. Grown-up movies are watched only when the he's in bed, if we're not too tired.

Before a child... Eating out meant having what we fancied.



After a child... Now we have to think if the place we're going to will have food suitable for Rayhan. He is quite good. Rayhan is not fussy with food and will eat whatever the grown ups eat, except spicy (cili padi) food. Rayhan does likes roti canai with curry dhal though. Even so, we still have to check ourselves if there is food for him.

Before a child... Going to the public toilet meant just going to relieve oneself and wash hands after.

After a child... Bring him into the toilet stall, find a place to hang handbag and diaper bag. Make sure he relieves himself without wetting his pants then cringe when he puts his hand against the toilet wall and on whatever is in the toilet. Pull up the child's pants and instruct child to stand still while you take your turn. Tell child not to open toilet door. Bear embarrassing remarks from child, eg, "Mummy, smelly poo poo!" (said on top of his voice of course). Tell him not to open toilet door again. Then grab own handbag & diaper bag and head to the sink. Push tap to start water flowing, pick up Rayhan who is too short to reach the sink to wash hands, try to reach for handsoap without dropping him while trying to stop handbag from slipping down the shoulder, then try to push tap again to wash soap off his hands. Finally, dry hands. Phew!


Even with the big lifestyle changes, if I could turn back the clock I wouldn't change a minute of my life. I cannot imagine myself not having children. Rayhan bring so much joy in my life just being himself. Rayhan's laughter is so infectious and he does love to laugh.


I wouldn't trade anything for the cuddles I get from him. I love being the "Best mummy in the whole wide world" and "The most beautiful mummy in the world". Only my son will tell me things like that! I love how Rayhan thinks I know everything.


I may have been sleep depraved but nothing can match the times when I've held Rayhan in my arms or lay down side by side with him, nursing him and seeing his beautiful face. The look on his face when he's nursing. PRICELESS!

Why don't woman talk about this?

A change in priorities has let to a 180 degree change in my previously lifestyle. I;m going to speak to you about the joys, trials & tribulations of being a mother. I have a son name Muhammad Rayhan who now rules my life.

(a 2D ultrasound image of rayhan, 10 weeks)

(a 3D ultrasound image of rayhan, 32 weeks)

(picture taken 3 hours before i give birth to rayhan)

It was the year 2006 when i discovered that I was pregnant. I was busy working that i didn't realise I was pregnant. I was to busy to noticed that I had missed my period. My family was great,dekzu (my sister) was excited. My mother was amazing, she came from KL to Tawau to help me with my confinement period.

My little boy has never liked sleep very much but I'm enjoying it while I can, which is why everything else takes a backseat. Rayhan is very, very bright but he was going crazy running around in circle in our house. Before we moved to our own house, we lived with my mother-in-law, it eases my burden but it also provides him with stimulation from other people. Plus, because there are other people around in the morning, I can actually go& have a poo or a shower.
Sometimes,when he doesn't want to stay alone, at the same time I sakit perot nak berak (stomach ache), I'd drag him kicking & screaming into the toilet! The horrors no woman talks about. Why don't woman talk about this? They always say, "Oh, no,no... It's fine,there's no problem..." Have you ever tried to (poop) with a screaming baby & the phone won't stop ringing, some one's at the door... U just want to cry & scream GO AWAY!!!

Every mother recognises this scenario but why is it that no one ever talks about that trying moments of motherhood? It is because they're afraid of being labelled a bad mother? Isn't it natural to be overwhelmed once in a while? Isn't it perfectly acceptable to crave an uninterrupted nights sleep or the ability to shut the bathroom door for more than 30 seconds? Why do woman insist of putting up a front & pretending that motherhood is a breeze?

I feel that I've won the lottery when my kid wakes up only twice a night! I have not had uninterrupted sleeps for 2 years. He wakes up only 3 times a night now. I'm trying to figure out where I want to go & what I want to do. Being a mom, I can't do what I used to do. But I do have great network of family & friends... Luv u all..