Part2 : Flow with the tide of time

Hubby's story: Adapting to being a parent...

I asked my Hubby to recalls his first time being a parent. This is his story...

He was quite nervous as we were in Tawau and far from my home in KL. He was worried on who is going to take care of me during confinement as his mother in Tawau was busy taking care of his sister who gave birth a month before me. But it helped that my mother came all the way from KL to take care of me during my confinement period. We read up a lot on parenting and could rely on the help of relatives.

Our son was born on the same date as his daddy 4th May 2007, and that was a day before our 2nd anniversary. He admits, there were definately severals adjustments we had to make.

1. For one thing, we had to move to a bigger place.
2. Our shopping trips included several stops at baby stores.
3. The house had to be child-proofed and clean all the time.
4. ETC....ETC....ETC....ETC.... and the list goes on...

Leaving the house used to be an easy and quick affair but with the Rayhan's arrival, an extra half hour was needed, he says, to exit the house - making sure all the things the baby required took time and effort. Everything was centered around the baby. The odd hours we had to get up to feed Rayhan.

When going out, he would assess whether the places were child-friendly. During holidays, a hotel's child policy would be examined. The itinerary must include - if not dominated by - visits to kiddy places. He was upset when characters on TV started swearing. We ended up watching more Barney&Friends and singing nursery rhymes than we were growing up.

He slowly adapted to the new routines and accepted the new responsiblities. Hubby and I took all this in our stride and turned them into many unforgettable, priceless moments. Managing and handling many household chores were, and still are, divided equally which helped.

Looking back, the life changing transition was a positive experience once he accepted the responsibility and turned it into something joyful and fun, he concludes. He celebrated the possibilities of a new life rather than dwell on the things he couldn't do anymore...

coming soon... Part3: Flow with the tide of time...

Part1 : Flow with the tide of time...

Life is like an onion. Each peel of the lovely translucent skin reveals more tender piece inside. The inner layers hold much sweetness, no matter how eye-stinging. But while the onion gets smaller as you peel, life seems to expand as you peel off the layers. Every life changing event force Mama, Hubby and I to peel one layer of our life so the transition to another level or layer of our existence can take place.

How do we cope though? What are our stories? Here we relate our experiences of gaining new perspective, and seeing inner growth.

Mama's story : Adapting to being single again...

Mama is a mother of 3 daughters. She has been single again for slightly more than a decade (now she is married again). She got married in her early twenties and it lasted for a good numbers of years. We were living somewhere in Gombak at the time. She divorced in 1997. They've grown apart and no longer shared the same goals, needs or interests.

Back then, it was a very conservative society and being a divorcee seemed to carry a stigma. She had to adjust to her single status again,hold her head high and ignore the gossip that was circulating. There were few lifestyle adjustments, she had to be more careful with her finances because she had daughters to look after. She realised that she was alone; suddenly being both mum and dad and the nagging fear that her daughters would be traumatised by the divorce troubled her for some time.

The transition was initially difficult. Her goal of owning a place of her own took a backseat. On the social front, she avoided "couple" gatherings. People seemed to feel awkward. She says ruefully: "Maybe they didn't know what to say or maybe they didn't approve of divorcees"

She feels calm now, even if there are times when this fear of the unknown takes over. She was thankful for her father and close friends who supported her decision to end her marriage...

Feeling the BLEAAARGH!!!!

Bleaaargh!!! That's how I've been feeling yesterday. Nothing seems to be going right. I've been feeling rather low and irritable. The slightest thing set me off on a rampage, even as trivial as my husband asking too many questions. Rayhan likes to act silly and sometimes, he does it to make me feel better but I feel irritated instead and I shout at him. I start thinking that HUBBY is not doing enough to show me he cares. That man loves me to bits and I know it deep inside but these past few months n yesterday, I've felt like shit. I've felt like such a selfish bitch! Then I realise that these feelings are recurring on a monthly basis. Bloody hell! I have PMS!

From the USdoctor.com site: PMS is a disorder characterized by a set of hormonal changes that trigger disruptive symptoms in a significant number of women for up to two weeks prior to menstruation. Of the estimated 40 million suffers, more than 5 million require medical treatment for marked mood and behavioral changes. Often symptoms tend to taper off with menstruation and women remain symptom-free until the two weeks or so prior to the next menstrual period. These regularly recurring symptoms from ovulation until menses typify PMS, premenstrual syndrome.

From the Mayo Clinic site: For many women the signs and symptoms of premenstrual syndrome are an uncomfortable and unwelcome part of their monthly menstrual cycle. The most common physical and emotional signs and symptoms associated with premenstrual syndrome include:

Weight gain from fluid retention
Abdominal bloating
Breast tenderness
Tension or anxiety
Depressed mood
Crying spells
Mood swings and irritability or anger
Appetite changes and food cravings
Trouble falling asleep (insomnia)
Joint or muscle pain
Headache
Fatigue

Although the list of potential signs and symptoms is long, most women with premenstrual syndrome experience only a few of these problems. For some women, the physical pain and emotional stress are severe enough to affect their daily routines and activities. For most of these women, symptoms disappear as the menstrual period begins.

But for some women with premenstrual syndrome, symptoms are so severe they're considered disabling. This form of PMS has its own psychiatric designation — premenstrual dysphoria disorder (PM DD). PM DD is a severe form of premenstrual syndrome with symptoms including severe depression, feelings of hopelessness, anger, anxiety, low self-esteem, difficulty concentrating, irritability and tension. A number of women with severe PMS may have an underlying psychiatric disorder.

Of the 12 symptoms listed above, I have 7 of them! Reading the symptoms of PM DD, I do have "feelings of hopelessness, anger, anxiety, low self-esteem, difficulty concentrating, irritability and tension" close to the time of the month too.

SHIT!

The Biggest Loser - I nak kurus!!!!

I've been feeling very low lately - low energy, tired, not feeling like doing very much. Generally not interested in anything lah...!!! I am sick of my "baby fat", feeling like a tub of lard, my love handles and not being able to buy clothes off the rack.

Ironically, I am not THAT fat! Ya lah, need to lose about 15kg. I weight in at 60kg now and I am only 161cm tall. Been hearing once too often comments like, "If only you're not so fat, you will look quite cute", "You have beautiful features but need to lose weight lah", " Wahh, your butt sobig lah".

Nope, my weight gain is not from having a kid. I have always been chubby throughout my adolescence years. I lost quite a bit of weight and was at my ideal weight when I was working as a flight attendant. I gained weight consistently over several years being in a very happy relationship. When I got pregnant, I weighed about 48kg and went up to about 60kg just before I gave birth to Rayhan in 2007. Lost all those weight during confinement. Thanks to breastfeeding, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight very quickly. Now I've gained more! I need to get back to my pre-Hubby weight!

Ironically, I know what to do. Just do not have the discipline to follow through and stick to healthy living. I know I need to reduce my food portion and watch what I eat. I know I need to eat more fruit and veg and less meat and rice. I know I need to cut out refined-carbo. I know I need to cut out snacking while watching TV at night. I know I need to get off my butt and exercise. My most recent healthy living spurt was going on a "Fit For Life" diet which was not combining protein and carbo. Stuck to that for about 30 days and lost 5kg. If that was the rate of weight loss, I just need to revamp my eating habit, combine that with exercise, I should be able to shed 15kg within 6 months!

Why didn't I? Because the fried chicken is so yummy with rice! Because, that dhall curry and chapati is sooooo good! Because my son wants my attention, so I can't possibly go for my walk now. Because I slept late last night, so I want to sleep in. So many excuses and so little weight loss and more weight gain... Is it my imagination or is it more difficult to get back on revamping my lifestyle after having lapse once?

When will I change my eating habit? When will I start exercising? How long will I stick to eating healthy and exercising? Fruit juice in the morning, eat sensibly the rest of the day and exercise. Not difficult right? Then why can't I do it??

Allahyarham Yasmin Ahmad

I can't help but cry each time I come across an article,movies or documentary regarding Yasmin Ahmad. It's hard to accept the fact that my favourite Malaysian film director has indeed passed away. Ever since RABUN, she has never failed to inspire me. Behind every work of hers lies such heart and soul that it pains me now that we won't be seeing any updates from her anymore.

If only every Malaysian can see the world like she did, only then we can achieve 1MALAYSIA. I dare to say here that there will be no one of her calibre,who can view the world the way she did. She was an inspiration to everyone,except to the critics who fail to understand what unity is, what true values are - values that she's incorporated into her movies, that reflect what's genuine and sincere.

I, and many others, wish that MUALLAF will be screened. that is how we can show our respect, remembrance. And I know, every time I think of her, it's a smile she'll wish I lift, and not a tear for me to shed. For she tried hard to bring joy to others, regardless of whom. And the best way for us to remember her is by a smile.

For one that smiles all the time, I guess that is adequate. She will always live in our hearts, looking after us. It's time we practise what she preached. AL - FATIHAH...