To be honest...

To be honest with you, you did hurt me. When I chose to stay I felt an excruciating void inside of me terrified of what the world had in store for me. I also felt a huge chunk of my self-esteem was missing, which may took years to reconstruct. I guess we have all experienced this in some way or another but the important thing is that we learn from it and not allow the next person to treat you thing way. Learn from your mistakes. No one judges you if you're learning how to deal with a situation, they start judging you when you make the same mistake again.

To be honest with you, I am terrified. I don't know what is in store for me... O Allah please help me...

Forgive & Forget

 I will never ever forget my pain as long as I live but I forgive as Allah (God) forgave... 

Queen Bitch

This girl G* whom I know has brought upon this sudden urge to express my dislikes and pet peeves. Anyways, it's my blog and I get to say what I like. And hopefully, some of you who are going through the same thing as me will not feel alone anymore and I could make someone else's day...I only hope.

So yes, have you ever noticed that there are different types of girls? Many guys just think that the female species is all made up into one stereotypical race, but I am sorry to say that you are wrong. I have come across many types of women from all walks of life, and man, sometimes women can be scary.

I'm sure these women all have a deep dark psychological explanation for the way they behave, but what amazes me if that they don't even know they are behaving the way they do.

G* is a girl who said she is the best friend or claims to be. The type that kononnya a man will feel completely themselves when they r with her.  When you are a guy and your best friend is a girl, watch out. The same goes if the situation was reversed. No heterosexual couple can remain mutual forever. This so-called "best friend" will sabotage all your relationships until you realise that he/she is the only one there for you. *WARNING* *WARNING* These friendships will never last because one of you always lusts. 

There will always be girls that try to shake your life a little and turn it upside down. Get rid of them. Plant your feet firmly in the ground, look them in the eye and say, "SHOO!"

Dear G*, 

A letter for my man, Julizwan.

To my husband Julizwan,

I am not a perfect wife, I know. I make mistakes, lots of them. I feel like we were definitely happy at times, more happy than I'd been in a long long time in my life. 

If you have already stopped counting, let me remind you, it’s been seven years since that day we promised to cherish each other, to love and to hold, to nourish and to nurture until death do us part. I loved you then and I love you now. I promised Allah that I would love and cherish you, just you, my husband for as long as I live. Allah was convinced that I would help Him give you a good and happy life by loving you. 

 

The kids are growing up fast, so fast that when the day they will choose to leave the house to chase their dreams and carve their own destinies frightens me. At the same time, however, it’s something I anticipate. In my heart of hearts, after all the love and encouragement we’ve showered them with, I would like to know how they’ll fare. With flying colors – I hope. We both know we can’t hold our children back, and when all three of them are on their own, there will be no one left but YOU and ME. 

But yes, InshaaAllah (God willing) there will still be you and me – me snuggling comfortably by your side as I struggle to understand how blades, airplanes, motors and vehicle engines work. Or wincing and trying not to look at the TV screen while Aaron Aziz is being beaten to a pulp. Or me chattering endlessly about houseworks and experiences I’ve had with the children while you listen silently, or until I stop because you have already started snoring.

We’ve had quite a run. Seven years, nowadays, is a feat. And I look forward to spending another seven years of my life with you. 

If you happen to read this, kiss me as soon as you step inside the house.  Hug me tightly like you’ve never done before.  Don’t be scared that I might break. You know how strong I am.  Most of all, tell me as sincerely as you can how much you still love me and how badly you’ve been wanting this chance to patch things up because you can’t live without me. 

I love you so much.  As I end this silly love letter of mine, let me remind you of  two youthful individuals who once felt wonderfully good to be with each other.  There’s so much more that we could still uncover about each other if only we’ll look harder, if we try to be more open, honest and true.

I thank Allah for you, our child, our life, for love, for pain that allowed us to see more clearly, for everything that made us what we are now. I love you for the sake of Allah. You are my man for Dunya & Akhirat, InshaaAllah... 

Thank you for the love and the friendship. 

Love, your wife... XOXO

A wife's prayer...

Bismillah... O Allah! Please grant me my husband Will be the garment for my soul Will satisfy half of my deen And in doing so make me whole Make him righteous and on your path In all he’ll do and say And sprinkle water on me at Fajr Reminding me to pray May he earn from halal sources And spend within his means May he seek Allah’s guidance always To fulfill all his dreams May he always refer to Qur’an and the Sunnah as his moral guide May he thank and appreciate Allah For the woman at his side May he be conscious of his anger And often fast and pray Be charitable and sensitive In every possible way May he honor and protect me And guide me in this life And please Allah! Make me worthy to be his loving wife And finally, O Allah! Make him abundant in love and laughter In taqwa and sincerity... Ameen...

Lesson from life.... 2

I will never stop loving him but I can place that love in a stored away place in my heart, where I don't allow it to control myself anymore. May Allah grant me strength to do that.