A letter for my man, Julizwan.

To my husband Julizwan,

I am not a perfect wife, I know. I make mistakes, lots of them. I feel like we were definitely happy at times, more happy than I'd been in a long long time in my life. 

If you have already stopped counting, let me remind you, it’s been seven years since that day we promised to cherish each other, to love and to hold, to nourish and to nurture until death do us part. I loved you then and I love you now. I promised Allah that I would love and cherish you, just you, my husband for as long as I live. Allah was convinced that I would help Him give you a good and happy life by loving you. 

 

The kids are growing up fast, so fast that when the day they will choose to leave the house to chase their dreams and carve their own destinies frightens me. At the same time, however, it’s something I anticipate. In my heart of hearts, after all the love and encouragement we’ve showered them with, I would like to know how they’ll fare. With flying colors – I hope. We both know we can’t hold our children back, and when all three of them are on their own, there will be no one left but YOU and ME. 

But yes, InshaaAllah (God willing) there will still be you and me – me snuggling comfortably by your side as I struggle to understand how blades, airplanes, motors and vehicle engines work. Or wincing and trying not to look at the TV screen while Aaron Aziz is being beaten to a pulp. Or me chattering endlessly about houseworks and experiences I’ve had with the children while you listen silently, or until I stop because you have already started snoring.

We’ve had quite a run. Seven years, nowadays, is a feat. And I look forward to spending another seven years of my life with you. 

If you happen to read this, kiss me as soon as you step inside the house.  Hug me tightly like you’ve never done before.  Don’t be scared that I might break. You know how strong I am.  Most of all, tell me as sincerely as you can how much you still love me and how badly you’ve been wanting this chance to patch things up because you can’t live without me. 

I love you so much.  As I end this silly love letter of mine, let me remind you of  two youthful individuals who once felt wonderfully good to be with each other.  There’s so much more that we could still uncover about each other if only we’ll look harder, if we try to be more open, honest and true.

I thank Allah for you, our child, our life, for love, for pain that allowed us to see more clearly, for everything that made us what we are now. I love you for the sake of Allah. You are my man for Dunya & Akhirat, InshaaAllah... 

Thank you for the love and the friendship. 

Love, your wife... XOXO